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The Struggle Of Being Not So Different
We should never have to correct who we are
‘You just like to think you’re different,’ someone told me once. ‘You try to be special, but once people know you, you’re not so different,’ someone else said. In their defence, I will admit to having been young, foolish and arrogant in equal measure back then.
The reality was I had always felt different from those around me. And I didn’t consider it a good thing at first. On the contrary, I remember how hard I fought internally to fit in. Everything is simpler when you can relate to what most people deem significant, fun or positive. I am aware of the moment I realised I wouldn’t pursue normality: most boys and girls in secondary school began to show inclinations I found boring, irritating or outright despicable. Naturally, I could only stand my ground because I was fortunate. On the one hand, I had been raised to think for myself. On the other, I wasn’t alone.
Moreover, the internet upended our reality rather suddenly. Suddenly, we didn’t need to get on with those directly around us because we could choose anyone in the world to be virtually around us. Physical interactions were still essential, but something clicked in our minds — at least the minds of those who allowed themselves to taste the opportunities brought by the hyperconnected world — that we could and should be discerning about those we decide to spend time with.
Being different will always be a struggle because our instinct is that acceptance in the community means safety, and our happiness is heavily determined by how secure we feel. One certainty is that trying to be someone we are not is the surest and fastest way not to be content or feel comfortable in our skin.
Since I have felt weird for as long as I can remember, I have developed silly games that keep me entertained when I feel out of place. For instance, when I love a show or a book, I will check reviews only to find that most users considered the work average. Conversely, when I have to stop watching or reading some subpar story, I will frequently be confronted by raving reviews. Of course, it is not always the case: as mentioned, the hyperconnected world luckily allows for enormous, exclusive clusters of weirdos.
Being different isn’t good or bad. We shouldn’t need to desire to be more or less so. The essential part is knowing on which side of the fence we stand regarding the situation at hand. Being oneself should never be something anyone has to correct.
Written while listening to ‘Beyond The Black Rainbow — Original Soundtrack’ by Sinoia Caves.
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