How To Master The Scarce Skill Of Building Common Ground

The magic of arguing passionately about what is truly important is often obscured by the unimportant fact that we may be wrong.

Photo by Harli Marten

I’ve always been one to speak openly and passionately about the things I believe in. I’ve also been extremely open about the things I don’t like.

This, more obvious in my adolescence and earliest stages of my adulthood, has sometimes led to conflict and argument. Conflict and argument can easily cause estrangement and gallons of bad blood. It isn’t a very productive endeavour to pursue, really, particularly if one is keen on positive change.

One of the reasons for causing ill feeling is the cheap and immature tactic of attacking the arguer rather than the argument. There is absolutely no reason for this other than hidden agendas and ulterior motives that have little or nothing to do with the importance of the argument at hand.

However, something magical and sadly scarce happens when we argue with respect and admiration for our opponent. When we argue freely, when we’re open about our ideas, when we expose our thoughts to others, we are building common ground. We are generating a space where we know where everyone stands on everything that matters, and where honest exchange can take place.

Otherwise, that common ground, essential for any attempt at community-building, is left to the individual and enclosed imagination of each party. Prejudice, misunderstanding and stereotype will reign.

I feel we should admire those who speak up honestly, those who challenge our thinking, because, together and without pretence, we may just be creating a space we can all live in.