How Many Ex-Friends Do You Have?

We often underrate the importance of our friendships — and their health.

a group of friends hug in the eye of a hurricane, minimalistic manga style — by DALL·E

I once jokingly referred to someone as an ex-friend. Now, I did not call them that; I merely used the term when mentioning them to someone else. I realised we do not think about ex-friends as such. Amorous relationships monopolise the spotlight in the field. Granted, we are all familiar with the sad occurrence of falling out with a friend or naturally evolving in opposing directions. Besides, friendships sometimes fizzle out. Yet, these ‘breakups’ are much less present in our minds than those involving girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, husbands and wives.

These days, monogamy works as an efficient and strict filter: since we can only have one partner, we can safely raise our standards and not settle for anything other than optimal. In a strange, counterintuitive way, agreeing to have only one partner may help us choose the right one, not put up with average or subpar options, and demand a certain quality of love (there’s another term for another article). As long as we are free to start and end our partnerships at any time and without fear of social judgement, monogamy has never been more useful.

However, it would be absurd to think that those in polyamorous relationships shouldn’t aim for the same high standards for…